“One’s friends are that part of the human race with which one can be human.”
– George Santayana
"Friendship" is a term that is understood similarly by all, yet defined uniquely by each individual. It existed even in the era of cavemen! Moreover, it is very evidently seen in animals: from a murder of crows that lunch together to Bottlenose dolphins that have signature calls for communication; every living thing proves friendship is a "can't without".
Aristotle put forward three types of friendships:
1. Friendships of utility
It is also called as self-interested friendships and is between people who are useful to each other in some way. When it is one person benefiting off the other, it might leave the other drained and used. Friendships of utility are very shallow and likely to involve manipulation and flatter. Favours done are usually expected to be returned.
2. Friendships of pleasure
This kind is well known. People involved are generally in association to have a good time or seek pleasure. It can be considered as an empty friendship as when support or help is needed in times of trouble or hardship, they are no more in the picture.
3. Friendships of the good
These are deep connections that take a huge time to build. It involves respect, trust and genuineness. These relationships are independent of the seasons in one's life and reliable.
One important need, common to all is the need for love and do away isolation. This need is profoundly satisfied by quality friendships. A study conducted by Robert Waldinger from the Harvard study of Adult development states the following: “men who are or were socially isolated were less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner, and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely.”
On the contrary, “loneliness”, a term which was majorly familiar to the senior class of people is now gaining popularity among young adults and teens of the millennial age. The speculated underlying issue is supposedly identified as social media.
Let me elaborate on it. The birth of Social media and the advertisement of it began as a tool to enhance communication and strengthen relationships. As it aged, its output was the direct opposite. With the increased use of social media, people became more disconnected to reality and real-time conversations and bonding time immensely reduced. Social media creates a mentality of “social validation is equivalent to being loved.”
Social media is growing to be an isolating tool that drives people to be more self-centered and narcissistic. Less empathy and care for those around are also major factors that obstruct development of friendships.
The instant gratification and rewarding habit created by social media has also made millennials and gen-z’s disregard the concept for long term building of quality friendships and is making them settle for empty and toxic relationships that leave painful scarring.
The concept of virtual friendships and its way of fulfilling man’s primary need for love is not comprehended by the mind. Thus, it sadly has resulted in more unfamiliarity of the gift of friendship.
Therefore it is high time that we as the new generation whose necks are bent over to glowing devices, hit the switch on virtuality and make more effort to create friendships of the good, to live life to our fullest.
Esther Swamidason
EBH 2022